Friday, July 30, 2010

This Is Your Brain on Fake Drugs

Fake drugs have gone digital. Now all the kids need are headphones and an MP3 of brainwave altering audio files. The Oklahoma City news report above wants us to believe that authorities are taking i-dosing seriously because it could lead to wanting to do real drugs. As a result, I am hiding my old Pink Floyd albums in my sock drawer. My post-Revolver Beatles records are still on display, but if anyone asks I'm only holding them for a friend.

This whole phenomenon seems like the result of bored local news reporters making anthills out of mosquito bites. (Does anyone remember media reports on jenkem?) if any police department did take interest in this, it would be out of the same naivety that makes the kids think the sounds actually get them high. It also illustrates the older generation's fear of technologies that are natural to their kids. "Tweeting leads to tweaking. My kid started text messaging and now he's on the streets"

The ridiculous behavior of these experimenting teens is kind of adorable. I remember back to my own childhood when embarrassment-proof friendships and misconceptions about a wide and unknown world used to lead to wonderful psychosomatic highs.

In the 6th grade a friend and I got some rancid Diet Coke from a burger stand at the Yakima Air Fair and, convinced it was alcoholic but not not knowing what being drunk was like, we swerved between families and military recruiters dancing and speaking dreamily like Val Kilmer in The Doors.

Soda was my gateway fake drug. Later we got into the harder stuff like banana peels and peanut skins.

Anyone know where I can score some frogs to lick?

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