Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Advice For Budding Superhumans

The strength of a Superhero lies not with ability, but with the iconic quality of his/her public identity. Incorporate this into your own life by developing an instantly recognizable style and expanding your own origin story to mythic proportions.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Step #1
Consider Brian Davis' EULA, an arrangement of a Sony/BMG End User License Agreement sung in Medieval Chorus.

Step #2
Note that you are not legally permitted to use iTunes to "develop, design, manufacture, or produce missiles, or nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons." But imagine what said weapons would sound like before and after lossy data compression.

Step #3
Recognize that the EULA has great potential as an art form that is legally binding and dictates the terms of it's own consumption.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Security Insecurities

Today is the busiest day for commercial air travel within the United States and there is talk of a boycott on the TSA's newly adopted backscanner x-ray machines, which use just enough radiation to take images of passengers' naked bodies.

Boycott the invasion of privacy if you must, but instead, I recommend you object to the naked photos on the grounds that they are not well lit or framed artistically.

Nevermind that the security agents are trained for neither apprehension of terrorists or maintanance of radiation-emitting medical equipment. Most are also ignorant of the basic elements of photographic composition.

If you must travel, you should at least come prepared and pass out classy nude shots of yourself to the officers. Tell them this is what you're aiming for.

Might I suggest an homage to Ingres' Grand Odalisque?

Personally, I will gladly submit to the scans in exchange for a .JPG of the file, so I can print it large and hang it in my hallway as a portrait. The look of the 21st century reflects the invasive paranoia of security Xrays and CCTV surveillance footage and I am reluctantly embracing this new aesthetic.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Pompidou and Circumstance

The Pompidou Center is cool, but wouldn't you rather live in Versailles?

There Is No Prize For Being Misunderstood

The ultimate creative challenge is to make something with artistic merit that is also wildly popular. Being experimental is necessary to allow your work to grow and breathe, but the cutting edge can be a place to just visit and refuel. Don't lock yourself inside the ghetto of the avant-garde out of arrogance or fear of success. Bring the new and unfamiliar out to the greet the masses.

It is possible to embrace a wide audience without dumbing your work down, and if we all take this approach perhaps there could be far more intelligence in the mainstream.

There is no prize for being misunderstood.

Problems of Narrative

Almost all problems are problems of narrative.

Things only anger us within the context of a sequence and story.

If you feel like you are at the mercy of other's tales you should learn to become a storyteller. Collectively, you will make matters worse, but at least you will be the author of your own difficulties.


We were being romantic and self-centered when we named biological machines Life and placed it on a pedastal above other technologies. Biological evolution is just a subset of technological evolution, and technology will continue to grow and change long after biological life on our planet has completely dried up.

We need to stop pretending that we are the masters of technology. We are technology. Upgrade or become outdated. We must not continue to limit the functions of our biological hardware.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Our Ghosts

Good ghost stories are psychological reactions to specific physical surroundings.

Over time, the landscape and creaky carpentry of a local area wears matching grooves into the psyche of the inhabitants. Likewise, The folds of subconscious minds will shape rolling hills and warp aging floorboards into echoes of their geometry. This relationship takes on a will or shadowy form of it's own, which can outlive both the mortals and atmosphere from which it was born. After a creaky old house has been burned to the ground or tenant brutally murdered, the ties that bound those deceased elements can live on, disembodied and eternal.

There is no Headless Horseman without Sleepy Hollow. There is no Shining without the Overlook Hotel.

What ghosts are we giving birth to within the limitless dark corners of cyberspace?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

More is More

For great success play all videos below simultaneously 8 times every day.

The Theories of Everything

Anyone offering grandiose solutions in an aggressively confusing manner is probably trying to a pull a scam on you.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Warp Whistler

As the thin wall between the real and virtual worlds continues to flake away bit by bit, cleverly hidden treasures will appear where you least suspect them. Like 1ups from invisible boxes or warp whistles behind bushes, little rewards are already being programmed onto the face of our earth.

For the seedier side of this phenomenon please refer to http://9eyes.tumblr.com/

Friday, November 12, 2010

Conversation as Vaccine

It turns out schizophrenia is triggered by a virus. To inoculate yourself you should go to the bus depot and start a conversation with the man wearing the most incoherent sandwich board. Bring the whole family. It will be like a chicken pox party for insanity. If all goes as planned, your mental immune system will be that much more resilient when you return home.

You may even learn a thing or two. Closely following illogical thought processes is like cerebral cardio for expanding neural connections and advanced yoga for limbering up creative thought.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Faces of Evil

The following revelation is via Future Perfect:

"For the lady wishing to know more about this club host – expect to QR barcodes to be supplanted by facial recognition – still through the mobile phone of course.

The only question is when."

OMG. Those freaky christian end times pamphlets used to warn us never to allow the government to tattoo barcodes to our skin. That's how Satan would brand us as the damned. Well, it looks like our faces will soon be scan-able barcodes!

Suddenly, we recognize the Mark of the Beast and it has always been inseparable from our own human identities.

Checkmate. Devil wins again.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Boltzmann Brain

You are not reading this. Your memories are false. You have no mother or father outside of Chaos itself.

You are not human. You are a momentary fluctuation in entropy, an energy field behaving badly.

You are a Boltzmann brain.

You are completely alone in the universe, but don't let that get you down. Did you really believe there were billions of you? Ha! That's not only mathematically improbable, it's also intuitively false.

You've always known you were unique.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


We live in a 4 dimensional world. If someone says to meet you at the corner of 3rd and Pine, you are off to a good start, but you still need to know which floor to go to and what time to be there. These 4 coordinates will define any event in spacetime.

I am no longer the # 1 Richard Penner on Google. Just type in my first and last names and I compete with the 47 other Richard Penners in North America. But if you search for Richard Penner Time Traveler you will be rewarded with an embarrassing cross section of my of my life on the web. Increasingly, the word of search engines is taken as an atlas of subjective reality.

I'm printing new business cards. No email address, no phone number. Just those four words

Using these 4 words as coordinates you will be able to locate me.

I Want To See Movies of My Dreams

Exhibit #1:

From "The Coney Island Amateur Psychoanalytic Society and It's Circle" at The Coney Island Museum. Curator and artist Zoe Beloff uncovered a collection of reels in which members of The Coney Island Amateur Psychoanalytic Society filmed reenactments of their dreams.

Exhibit #2:

From "Tell The Bees: Belief, Knowledge &Hypersymbolic Cognition" From The Museum of Jurassic Technology in Culver City, California:

The procedure is that as soon as a member of the family has breathed his or her last a younger member of the household, often a child, is told to visit the hives. and rattling a chain of small keys taps on the hive and whispers three times:

Little Brownies, little brownies, your mistress is dead.
Little Brownies, little brownies, your mistress is dead.
Little Brownies, little brownies, your mistress is dead.

A piece of funeral crepe is then tied to the hive and after a period of time funeral sweets are brought to the hives for the bees to feed upon. The bees are then invariably invited to the funeral and have on a number of recorded occasions seen fit to attend.

There are a great many other practices that are observed concerning bees. Among those that know them well, bees are understood to be quiet and sober beings that disapprove of lying, cheating and menstruous women. Bees do not thrive in a quarrelsome family, dislike bad language and should never be bought or sold for money. Bees should be given without compensation but if such compensation is essential, barter or trade is greatly preferable so that no money changes hands.

Both Zoe Beloff and The Museum of Jurassic Technology's curator David Wilson attended film school (Columbia and CalArts, respectively). And, like the members of the Psychoanalytical Society, each seems to have turned their skills toward creating/uncovering meaningful elements of our world that lie in the boundaries between the real and imagined.

Both seem to understand that the essence of filmmaking has nothing to do with filmstock or lighting, casting or editing. Filmmakers do not to create narrative from whole cloth or represent Truth as it is observed. A good filmmaker opens a portal between actual and fantastic realities and accentuates the elements that ring true in both worlds.

An amazing filmmaker does this without a camera in their hand. They rummage through the junk at swap meets, or rifle through fogotten texts, and with their their dusty interdimensional fingers, extract readymade documents from a history that may have never existed.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Tea Trolleys

It has been proposed that the Y chromosome is an abnormal mutation and that, had evolution on Earth followed a more natural path, it would be a planet inhabited solely by females.

Be cautious, men. We could easily be replaced by tea trolleys

Perhaps we should be asking ourselves what it is we are really contributing, anyway.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

A Bookshelf

The purpose of a bookshelf is to keep you from reading every book you own simultaneously, lest your interests merge together into one formless, lifelong experience. A bookshelf separates and organizes a narrative out of your consumed narratives. Alphabetic instead of chronological, it is still a construct like time: an artificial framework on which we file an insane jumble of input into neat, logical order.

But there are many different ways to organize information, and the topology of your life need need not be linear.