Friday, March 11, 2011

Gravity Reversal: Are You Prepared?

"Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?" - Chris Knight, Real Genius

I periodically sit upside down in my couch with my back to the cushions and feet to the ceiling like Mork from Ork and make plans for the reversal of gravity. I fear being outside when the disaster happens and falling endlessly into the sky, passing out as air thins and my unconscious body freezing in the outer stratosphere.

When I first heard Val Kilmer read the quote above I felt justified in my fear. It was a thing. Others think about it as well.

I've found mentions here and there on websites devoted to unusual phobias, but it doesn't seem to have a name yet. I am going to call it anti-barophobia. Barophobia being the fear of gravity, my alteration could mean the fear of anti-gravity.

Now that I have named my fear, how do I confront it? Can anyone truly prepare for the irrational?

I am hereby starting an organization of one to tackle this problem. I am The Foundation for Anti-Barophobia. At FFAB Our plan is twofold.

1. We oppose the work of pseudoscientists experimenting in the fake field of anti-gravity research. They are tampering with volatile imaginary elements capable of untethering the weak force that binds our universe together.

2. We will conduct disaster-readiness experiments and demonstrations with the goal of educating the public.

rotating kitchen from Zeger Reyers on Vimeo.

There is no way of stopping that which will never happen. We can only anticipate and make sure that when the day that will never come comes we can laugh at all the fools falling into the sun. As the white knuckles of the unprepared uncurl from the tops of lamp posts and they slip like a rock out of the breathable atmosphere I will turn down my stereo lean out my upside down window and scream after their flailing bodies, "Told ya!"

1 comment:

  1. Fear of gravity reversing/failing does have a name. It is called barotermatismophobia.