Wednesday, July 20, 2011

T-Pain Doesn't Need Autotune.

"Put your hand on the boombox," she said.

Fear shot through Paul. He started to back away from the Reverend Mother, but felt the Gom Jabbar at his throat.

"What's in the boombox?" he asked.

"T-Pain."

T-Pain doesn't need autotune.

Generations of genetic selection have produced a human specimen with perfect robotic pitch and absolute mathematical control of his vocal cords. He is a singing Mentat capable of hitting notes with the level of precision known previously only to the forbidden thinking machines. T-Pain is the Kwasatz Haderach of recording guest vocals and banging strippers.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Head in the Clouds

According to scientists at Columbia, internet access has changed the way our memory functions.

We only commit to memory items that can't be googled.

Why should we clutter up our biological hard drive?

Our brains have already begun cloud computing.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Ancient Avatars

The Internet is a village in need of a shaman. We need someone to connect our Facebook profiles with their historic predecessors known as the Ancient Avatars.


The Ancient Avatars are living heroic portraits of autobiographical tales and wishful public self-images. The essence of public personas of people long dead clarified through omission and distilled through retelling.

Every cave painting of a stick figure spearing a bison was the uploading a new profile photo for the village to identify with the mundane heroics of it's individuals. But the avatars of ash and pigment were given a life of their own and they still live today beyond their flawed and fleshy counterparts.


...just as our old profiles live on without us. Blogs of the dead still adorn the walls of Live Journal. Your image still decorates the wall of last winter's cave (MySpace). Some day cyber-archaeologists will take note of your favorite bands and study the YouTube tales that you retold on your Wall.

To reinforce your current avatar to survive the coming centuries you must reconnect it to it's ancestors. Retell myths on your profile page. Shout out the riddle of the Sphinx in the field marked "Interests". Caption your pics with tales of Harpies and the golden fleece. Tag your friends with the names of Argonauts.

Your digital persona is in a relationship with The Beyond and it is complicated.